Chennai (again…)
Well! After nine weeks in India we finally succumbed to the dreaded tummy bug. We were extremely ill and very very sorry for ourselves. We think that it is Chennai, and proof of this also lies in the fact that our laptops too got viruses. So they are locked away in the department cupboard, awaiting for a computer professional in Perth.
So in other words, our blogging has been limited, and this is about a month’s worth of scribblings and notes.
1)Signs /Labels
a) “Hitler’s Lock”.
That’s right the lock on the door of our hotel at Mahabalipurum is a brand called “Hitler’s Lock” and there is a sticker on it called “Hitler Tested Ok.” We read in the paper that there is a new café in Mumbai called “Hitler’s Cross”. Damn right he’s cross he’s having to test locks.
b) “Liquor Runs Country, Family and Life.” Amen!
c) In a suburb called Ideal, 60km south of Chennai we found the “Ideal Police Station.” It was immediately opposite the “Hotel Trafficjam”
d) “Season’s Greetings! Have an accident”
It’s a sign… Let’s overlook the fact that it is now mid-August and discuss Chennai driving style: reckless with a slight preference towards not running over pedestrians. It’s all about cutting people off, weaving and dodging other traffic.
Amazingly enough we have only seen one accident, a motorbike under the wheel of a car, though no one was injured. They seemed to be more interested in biffo, and our good pacifist inclinations were to egg them on, even whacking them ourselves with a banana shouting “you stupid bloody bad-driving git”. But we didn’t of course. We might have bruised the banana.
Buses are the worst of all. Our Autorickshaw driver Tirumallai (seen here in his heroic “I have a big autorickshaw stance”) said to us “transport too much crazy.” We look out for Tirumallai as he is one of the more sensible drivers around, only going though 2 red lights as opposed to the usual 5 on the way between the university and our hotel. We would never get the bus (quite literally too as buses which should usually carry 30 odd people (sometimes very odd) carry around 80) so there would be no room on it for us Aussies and our huge personal spaces. People dangle off the buses like the prams did off the old buses when we were kids. Buses have a lean.
Motorbikes are the norm here and this picture is really one of the less- populated motorbikes we have seen: only six on one? We have seen much better. 8 even. No one stops them, the police are completely powerless. It’s the clown-stuffing car trick inverted: the number of people are visible and the car (ie motorbike) is not. We did see one family of four on a push-bike the other day, and while this was not surprising the manner in which the family (consisting of dad peddling, mum riding side-saddle holding twins of about 6 months dangling on each side of the bike) was: riding in the middle lane of a freeway-like road. Oh my god!
Last night we had a very funny experience: it has been raining here and with the drainage practically non-existent, the roads were flooded in places. Our autorickshaw driver went very slowly though a deep puddle so that the water would not splash the open side of the vehicle. However a taxi (they are all old Ambassadors here, built like tanks) went through next to us very quickly and all three of us ended up drenched. We thought that it was funny but the driver was really annoyed and sped up to the taxi and proceeded to yell at them for at least 2kms. It was really embarrassing as the taxi would pull away and he would speed up and start yelling again. Finally he gave up, but not before 5 yelling sessions. We couldn’t stop laughing!
2) Chennai Media II
a) Funniest Name Competition: Senator Dikshit. She just opened a new dam in Andhra Pradesh, poor love! Stop Press! An even funnier one has just presented itself, the musician called Dikshitar! Only to be outdone by his cousin, Dikshit Dikshitar-Dikshitarissimo. The last one is the only slight exaggeration here.
b)Madurai University’s motto: “A University with potential for excellence”. Well obviously.
c) 24th July Sunday Express
Sport’s Page heading “Table tennis: It is not an act of revenge”. It is about the autobiography of table tennis champion V. Chandrasekhar, entitled My Fight Back from Death’s Door. The author reports that not even a word is exaggerated.
d) 26th July The Hindu
Sport’s back page headline: “Sania Mirza streamrolls opponent”. So you would assume that she won her tennis match convincingly but in fact the opposition retired due to a shoulder injury. No steamrollers were injured in the making of this injury.
e) Matrimonial sections. (please note that we are not making fun of the institution of arranged marriage, we just think that some of the categories are fascinating.)
i) The Hindu, Sunday July 23rd
Proposal for Muslim Girl
NRI-Muslim parents having roots in Kerala and with very strong corporate concerns abroad and India, seek suitable alliances for their daughter, 23, medium built, fair, smart, religious & graduate. Proposals from parents of professionals (engineering/ management/ Business/ Industry) educated in premier institutions in India/UK/US are preferred. Linguistics bar is not a constraint
Commentary:
Suitor: Hello? I would like to marry your daughter.
Father: what?
Suitor: Sir, I am asking about the ad in the paper. I have good credentials; my father was captain of the Indian cricket squad.
Father: what?
Suitor: I am a millionaire with a golf-ball making factory in Qatar.
Father: what?
Suitor: But?.......[hangs up]
ii) The Hindu, Sunday July 23rd
CSI Christian
Godfearing, goodlooking, 29/160 B.Sc(N) working in the USA with green card coming in Nov.06 requires Godfearing male Nurse 29-32 appearing CGFNS/ passed preference working in the UK
Honey, we all need god-fearing male nurses in our lives.
f) children’s pages, The New Express, Monday 7th August
Outrage over Mumbai being voted the world’s rudest city was discussed in the children’s section of the paper (akin to the Westkids section of the West Australian.) The front page of this lift out was devoted towards deconstructing the data, it reads “[Indian] cities scored low [because of] the Western Criteria used to assess cities. While in the West people may thank each other verbally, in Asia people have different, non-verbal ways of extending courtesies such as a warm smile or a simple namaste.(hands in preying position)”…… Or a Glasgow kiss perhaps? Trust me you are lucky if you walk away from the counter not picking up your change off the supermarket floor.
g) In the last Chennai media section we told you about a film called Chandra Mukhi, which was running up the days it has been shown. We are now up to the 501sr day. So we thought that we would use this to our advantage and get them to calculate for us the number of days that it is until we leave for home. Watch out for day 587, there’ll be a party at Club AliGrae….
So in other words, our blogging has been limited, and this is about a month’s worth of scribblings and notes.
1)Signs /Labels
a) “Hitler’s Lock”.
That’s right the lock on the door of our hotel at Mahabalipurum is a brand called “Hitler’s Lock” and there is a sticker on it called “Hitler Tested Ok.” We read in the paper that there is a new café in Mumbai called “Hitler’s Cross”. Damn right he’s cross he’s having to test locks.
b) “Liquor Runs Country, Family and Life.” Amen!
c) In a suburb called Ideal, 60km south of Chennai we found the “Ideal Police Station.” It was immediately opposite the “Hotel Trafficjam”
d) “Season’s Greetings! Have an accident”
It’s a sign… Let’s overlook the fact that it is now mid-August and discuss Chennai driving style: reckless with a slight preference towards not running over pedestrians. It’s all about cutting people off, weaving and dodging other traffic.
Amazingly enough we have only seen one accident, a motorbike under the wheel of a car, though no one was injured. They seemed to be more interested in biffo, and our good pacifist inclinations were to egg them on, even whacking them ourselves with a banana shouting “you stupid bloody bad-driving git”. But we didn’t of course. We might have bruised the banana.
Buses are the worst of all. Our Autorickshaw driver Tirumallai (seen here in his heroic “I have a big autorickshaw stance”) said to us “transport too much crazy.” We look out for Tirumallai as he is one of the more sensible drivers around, only going though 2 red lights as opposed to the usual 5 on the way between the university and our hotel. We would never get the bus (quite literally too as buses which should usually carry 30 odd people (sometimes very odd) carry around 80) so there would be no room on it for us Aussies and our huge personal spaces. People dangle off the buses like the prams did off the old buses when we were kids. Buses have a lean.
Motorbikes are the norm here and this picture is really one of the less- populated motorbikes we have seen: only six on one? We have seen much better. 8 even. No one stops them, the police are completely powerless. It’s the clown-stuffing car trick inverted: the number of people are visible and the car (ie motorbike) is not. We did see one family of four on a push-bike the other day, and while this was not surprising the manner in which the family (consisting of dad peddling, mum riding side-saddle holding twins of about 6 months dangling on each side of the bike) was: riding in the middle lane of a freeway-like road. Oh my god!
Last night we had a very funny experience: it has been raining here and with the drainage practically non-existent, the roads were flooded in places. Our autorickshaw driver went very slowly though a deep puddle so that the water would not splash the open side of the vehicle. However a taxi (they are all old Ambassadors here, built like tanks) went through next to us very quickly and all three of us ended up drenched. We thought that it was funny but the driver was really annoyed and sped up to the taxi and proceeded to yell at them for at least 2kms. It was really embarrassing as the taxi would pull away and he would speed up and start yelling again. Finally he gave up, but not before 5 yelling sessions. We couldn’t stop laughing!
2) Chennai Media II
a) Funniest Name Competition: Senator Dikshit. She just opened a new dam in Andhra Pradesh, poor love! Stop Press! An even funnier one has just presented itself, the musician called Dikshitar! Only to be outdone by his cousin, Dikshit Dikshitar-Dikshitarissimo. The last one is the only slight exaggeration here.
b)Madurai University’s motto: “A University with potential for excellence”. Well obviously.
c) 24th July Sunday Express
Sport’s Page heading “Table tennis: It is not an act of revenge”. It is about the autobiography of table tennis champion V. Chandrasekhar, entitled My Fight Back from Death’s Door. The author reports that not even a word is exaggerated.
d) 26th July The Hindu
Sport’s back page headline: “Sania Mirza streamrolls opponent”. So you would assume that she won her tennis match convincingly but in fact the opposition retired due to a shoulder injury. No steamrollers were injured in the making of this injury.
e) Matrimonial sections. (please note that we are not making fun of the institution of arranged marriage, we just think that some of the categories are fascinating.)
i) The Hindu, Sunday July 23rd
Proposal for Muslim Girl
NRI-Muslim parents having roots in Kerala and with very strong corporate concerns abroad and India, seek suitable alliances for their daughter, 23, medium built, fair, smart, religious & graduate. Proposals from parents of professionals (engineering/ management/ Business/ Industry) educated in premier institutions in India/UK/US are preferred. Linguistics bar is not a constraint
Commentary:
Suitor: Hello? I would like to marry your daughter.
Father: what?
Suitor: Sir, I am asking about the ad in the paper. I have good credentials; my father was captain of the Indian cricket squad.
Father: what?
Suitor: I am a millionaire with a golf-ball making factory in Qatar.
Father: what?
Suitor: But?.......[hangs up]
ii) The Hindu, Sunday July 23rd
CSI Christian
Godfearing, goodlooking, 29/160 B.Sc(N) working in the USA with green card coming in Nov.06 requires Godfearing male Nurse 29-32 appearing CGFNS/ passed preference working in the UK
Honey, we all need god-fearing male nurses in our lives.
f) children’s pages, The New Express, Monday 7th August
Outrage over Mumbai being voted the world’s rudest city was discussed in the children’s section of the paper (akin to the Westkids section of the West Australian.) The front page of this lift out was devoted towards deconstructing the data, it reads “[Indian] cities scored low [because of] the Western Criteria used to assess cities. While in the West people may thank each other verbally, in Asia people have different, non-verbal ways of extending courtesies such as a warm smile or a simple namaste.(hands in preying position)”…… Or a Glasgow kiss perhaps? Trust me you are lucky if you walk away from the counter not picking up your change off the supermarket floor.
g) In the last Chennai media section we told you about a film called Chandra Mukhi, which was running up the days it has been shown. We are now up to the 501sr day. So we thought that we would use this to our advantage and get them to calculate for us the number of days that it is until we leave for home. Watch out for day 587, there’ll be a party at Club AliGrae….
posted by aligrae | 6:53 pm
2 Comments:
Ooooohhh poor Aligrae. I'm going to burn incense for you till you get home with your entrails intact. Ali you are so funny, I love the blog. Graeme I am counting the days till the 6th. What are the chances of that video conference?? Anyway enjoy the break in Goa; perhaps they do video conferences there?? Take care of those tummies, drink more gin
xx
J
Judith! Please send emergency gin. We have just run out.... SOS! AG
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